One day till my birfday!

BOOKS!

I've recently started reading them again! It all started with a classic, "Wayside School is Falling Down" which, upon inspection, I realized I stole from Mrs. Malan when I was in the 5th grade. It only has an A.R. rating of 4.9, but there are CERTAINLY some jokes in there I didn't get when I read it the first time. I enjoyed that book thoroughly.

Then, I read "The Life of Abraham Lincoln", a children's novelization of the life of honest Abe. I acquired this book from Allie for Christmas this year. *Thanks Allie!* I too dug this book. It made me laugh a lot. It made me cry a lot. I really liked it. Especially the parts that I knew the writer made up. Because that just made it kind of funny. Did you know his mom died of milksick? Apparently SO.

After finished that book, I went on to try to read "Freaks, Geeks, and Cool Kids", another gift from Allie. Unfortunately... I couldn't get past the first dozen or so pages. It turns out to not be tragically funny or sad or interesting. It's a study on sociology in teens or something that I really should find fascinating, but I don't care enough to try.

I put that book aside and jumped into a book I loved so much, I finished it in two days. The title of this insanely hilarious, soon to be motion picture, is "I Love You Beth Cooper" penned by Larry Doyle. It was GREAT. I read it only stopping to pee, eat, go to work, and watch an episode or four of Moonlighting (another new passion). SO GOOD. I recommend it to anyone but be forewarned that it does include sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. And swear words. Not for the faint of heart. So pretty much... Dad, you'll really love this book!

Now here comes the conundrum; I just finished an AMAZING book I may put on my list of favorites, but what do I read next? I don't want the next thing I read to feel embarrassed when it doesn't measure up but I also don't want to read drivel. So here comes your part. I need suggestions of good, HILARIOUS, books. Emphasis on the HILARIOUS. I like funny books. So please, PLEASE, leave me suggestions.

The Short Story I Wrote For My Creative Writing Class

Landy Hite

“And Then The Night Got Worse”


Caitlin took one last look at herself in the mirror before deciding that she looked good enough for her first date with Kurt. She congratulated herself on the perfect ensemble; a long shirt she wore as a dress over leggings showed the curves she was proud of without feeling like a slime ball. And her hair. Gosh, her hair just looked gorgeous with its soft curls perfectly framing her face. Caitlin thought she couldn’t look better. If Kurt didn’t just buckle in love with her in this outfit, he never would. She dashed back into the living room/bedroom/kitchen of her studio apartment to grab her purse and coat before turning out the only light in the apartment. She reached down and scruffed the mini-mane of her cat, Sergeant Tibbs.
“Bye Sarg! Don’t wait up for me!”
Caitlin walked outside, slamming the door behind her. As she struggled with the barely-passes-as-a-lock deadbolt her phone started ringing.
“Unbreak my heart! Say you love me again! Undo this hurt that you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life. Uncry these tears!”
Just when Toni hit the high note, Caitlin was able to coerce the deadbolt locked and flipped open her cell to answer the call. “Hello?”
“Hey Caity, it’s me.”
The low pitched airy voice on the other side of the phone caused Caitlin’s knees to buckle. She immediately blushed and bit her lower lip as she propped herself up on the doorframe. It was Kurt. Suddenly, and without asking it to, Caitlin’s voice got quite and breathy.
“Oh, hello you.”
Caitlin couldn’t believe the way this boy made her act, let alone feel. Caitlin was convinced that tonight would be the night that they would kiss. There’s nothing better than a trip to a rice pudding bar and a dollar rental to set the mood for the perfect first kiss. First, Kurt would tenderly brush the curls out of Caitlin’s face. And then, with the perfect amount of everything, Kurt would press his lips on hers and she would melt into happiness. Caitlin realized she’d wandered off and there had been a long silence in the conversation, or rather, lack there of. She stomped her foot to bring herself back to reality.
“So what’s up?” she said in an attempt to erase what she just said and how she said it. Not to mention that pause.
“I have some bad news. It turns out I have to work tonight.” Kurt then released a great sigh of anger.
Caitlin was hopping up and down on the inside knowing that he was as excited about the date as she was, and that he was disappointed he would have to cancel.
“Oh bust. That totally sucks… does that mean we can’t go out on our… I mean hang out tonight?” Caitlin was pleased with her attempt at hiding her coexisting disappointment and overjoyment.
“Yeah. I mean, unless you wanted to come hang out at work with me. Do you?” Kurt said with the tiniest bit of hope and anticipation.
Caitlin wanted nothing else in the world right now than to hang out with Kurt at work, but she had seen enough chick flicks and read enough relationship books by so-called gurus to know not to sound too needy or willing.
“Hmm…” she said as if this was a choice she seriously had to consider. Caitlin paused as she pretended to weigh the pros and cons of the situation.
“Only if you want to. I mean, you don’t have to.” Kurt said sounding more discouraged than Caitlin had ever heard someone sound before.
Oh no, she had weighed her options too long, she had hesitated a tad longer than she meant.
“I do!” were the words she said on compulsion.
“Oh cool. Awesome. So I guess… I’ll see you later?”
Of course he would see her later. Kurt could see her anytime he wanted, all he had to do was nothing.
“Totally.” Caitlin said before hanging up.
All the excitement of the phone call with the most amazing guy she’s ever met made Caitlin need to pee. She shoved her key back in the deadbolt and jiggled it around to try to get it open. No dice. Having just moved in, Caitlin hadn‘t learned the sweet spot of the key to lock and unlock the door with ease. She tried turning it the opposite direction to see if with the extra momentum the key turn. Nope. Caitlin tried the key angled up, then angled down. Pushing while turning. Pulling while turning. Kicking while turning. Complete and utter failure at all attempts.
Concerned less with getting back into her apartment, and more with the pressure building in her bladder, Caitlin started running with intense purpose toward the leasing office which she knew had a public restroom. Being on the complete opposite side of the office didn’t cross her mind when she made her decision to run there, all she could think about were waterfalls and rivers and other running water mechanisms. Suddenly the distance struck her with an unfortunate reaction. Completely caught off guard and with the bouncing up and down motion from the running, Caitlin slowly but surely started to pee. She stopped abruptly and crossed her legs squeezing them together as tight as she could.
“Don’t pee, don’t pee, “ was her mantra and she inched toward the building. There was a loud noise and having all her energy focused on not peeing it took Caitlin longer than it should have to realize it was a car. Then it took her and extra moment to realize why they were honking. Caitlin was standing in the middle of the road, blocking traffic.
Caitlin took a deep breath and made the only choice she knew she had. She uncrossed her legs and took normal strides to the sidewalk. With each step she took a little more pee ran down her legs and into her brand new suede boots. Finally, with an empty bladder and a full heart, Caitlin made it to the sidewalk and up to her apartment door.
“At least the night couldn’t get any worse.”
She put her key in the lock and turned it too forcibly to the left. And then the night got worse. With a snap, Caitlin held in her hand exactly one half of her house key. The remaining half was wedged into the keyhole. She walked defeated to the edge of the walkway and sat on the curb. She had three calls to make and wasn’t sure which one to make first. She decided to start with the most unpleasant.
“Hey Kurt,” she said, eyes welling with tears. “So, I won’t be able to go over there tonight. Something came up.”
After saying goodbye, Caitlin let go of her emotions and just cried. When the waves of tears subsided she called the locksmith to rescue her. And then she made her last call.
“Lily? It’s Caitlin. You know how we said that thing, about peeing our pants.”
“That if one of us wets our self the other will… you know.”
“Yes. Well, it’s time.”
Without any more talking Lily proved her best friend status and peed her pants.
“It’s done.” Lily replied.
Then Caitlin and Lily laughed.

Happy Birthday Mom! And other updates.

I know this isn't our mom, but it's an historic mom. (a historic?) Her name is Joyce, which is nothing like Lynnelle, but still. Shut up and pretend with me. I love my mommy. She's the best mom I've ever had. It was her birthday a little while ago, so I'm late, but I still love her. I promise. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Other exciting things that have happened lately... I saw this movie:

it was bad. Not just bad, BAD BAD. Not even the comic genius of Steven Martin could resurrect it. I could smell the surprise ending from the beginning and I think I laughed most not at the movie but at an old couple as they left the theater. The old woman was walking down the steps just laughing until she said, "If that doesn't make you laugh, then nothing will! Hahaha... There's a big fight at the wedding: AND THEY LEAVE! Hahaha...." And then she went on to quote the big last ending line which was so funny that I've already forgotten it. It was really cute. And funny. The couple, not the movie. Miss that movie at all costs. Though it was a big win with the people under 14 and over 60 in the theater.

My roommate Izzie, pictured here:

is in Moscow, ID for an acting competition. (yes Allie, that's that Harry Potter book.) I wish her all the luck in the world, even though if her scenes win she doesn't really win. She went as a scene partner for Kris, who was selected to compete. The moral of this story is that I'm home alone and I don't like living alone. It's awfully lonely.

Just yesterday I finally got ALL of my stuff from Malia's house. Among those things was a COUCH! So now, my apartment is officially furnished, though not even close to unpacked. Maybe I'll surprise Izzie by finally finishing that. Maybe.... that sounds like an awful lot of work. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I'll post before and after pictures. That also sounds like work... Well, the point is that we have a couch and Wireless Internet! Go us! And by us I really mean just me. Go me!

I also got a HAIRCUT. PROFESSIONALLY. Which is really cool. Because normally I just let Malia hack at it until it resembles what I want. (She actually does a fine job, but I feel her technique may be slipping with lack of practice.) So I went to Super Cuts and paid my $12 and got a simple, but adorable hair cut. It makes the bangs that I had tried to trim mere days before but had cut crooked, and then tried to straighten out and ended up being about an inch shorter than wanted/anticipated look a lot less retarded. My new hair cut is pictured below:

I like this haircut a lot. A lot a lot.

So, there are some updates for now. I gotta go though. It's time to wake up Nes.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is my pop's birthday! The little boy in that picture is named James Hite. Just like my dad, who's birthday is today!

ALSO, last night's Groundhog Day celebrations when splendifurously well! It was a small party, just Patrick, Cameron, and me, but a lovely party! Everyone participated in the craft and they turned out hilarious.


The groundhog holding the heart isn't as sweet as he looks. He actually is a vampire with a case of the bumble foot. (a condition rats get from walking on cage floors instead of padded liners) Cameron made that little buddy. The lovely girlie groundhog was made by yours truly. We later found out she is also madly in love with NPH. (see picture below) The very dapper gentleman groundhog has blue fur and a tuxedo... and was made by Patrick. These were way too much fun to make, especially as the semi-adults we are.

Groundhog Day!!

Six more weeks of winter, darn! But I don't care, because today is an amazing day! There is a family tradition that on this day, the great and all powerful Groundhog Day, we watch the movie, "Groundhog Day" starring Bill Murray and Andy McDowell. Being away from my home and most of my family, and having already set apart Monday nights as "Screening Parties" with my big group of friends, I decided to help my friends be more awesome by subjecting them to my family tradition. So tonight, I will gather my friends and sit down and watch "Groundhog Day". I'm also getting together some coloring pages and other silly stuff like that. I love this day! We'll also do the obvious Phil in the Styrofoam cup thing. It'll be amazing.

The Hammer is My Penis

And I moved into my own apartment. And I love NPH.

new address:

19355 SW 65th Ave. Apt. 6
Tualatin, OR 97062