I woke up this morning and ran to check my phone like any good American teenage girl. I had two new text messages! Awesome! Except one was from the bank reminding me how poor I am. The other was from one of my bosses. Also, not exciting. Oh well. I'd just have to start texting people if I wanted really texts. And that is no biggie, trust me. After checking my text message inbox, I closed my phone and was ready to dismiss it for maybe, 10 minutes. But as I turned to leave, I saw the alert for a new voicemail pop up. I hopped over the couch, realized that was a bad idea half way over, nearly died, and grabbed my phone off the coffee table as I tumbled to the floor.
I get overly excited when I get a voicemail because it means that someone called me. I called my voicemail and listened as I had, "One new message and twenty-seven old messages." They are such a rare occurrence that I like to save as many as I can. As I started listening to my new voicemail, I started laughing. This is what it said,
"Good mornin' Landy, my name is Sergent Scott Cross. I'm a recruiter for NHS Army. I was actually given this number as a point of contact for a woman named Caitlin Hite. Um, please have her call me back, if you know her, at 877-802-5606. If this is not a good contact number, call me back so I can denote that so you don't get called again. Thank you very much, have a good day. Bye."
This makes me laugh out loud for probably three reasons. Wait, let me think of them..... Okay. I know now.
Number 1) You may not be able to tell by the typed up version, but the fellow on the line seemed thoroughly baffled by the whole Landy/Caitlin thing.
Number 2) Woman? Ha!
Number 3) The mere fact that the Army called for me. Me? Really? You want me? Asthma girl?
So now we get to the "They like me! They really like me!" part. It must have been my Senior year in high school that I took the ASVAB. I had friends that had already taken the test once and not done so well. And these were people who I thought were pretty intelligent. And not only that, they new stuff about the Army. They legitimately wanted to go into the Army and make that their lifelong career. I also knew that the ASVAB had some mechanical questions in it, and these folks could fix cars. I was sincerely confused at their poor scores. I also laughed in their faces when I realized that with their scores they couldn't even hold an assault rifle or something like that. They were really bad. Think 47 or so. Anyway, I saw their low scores and saw it as a challenge. And I also saw the opportunity to miss a class or three. The latter of these was what actually motivated me. Well, that and Mrs. Dailey threatening to take me out back and beat me if I didn't take the test. I took the test. I got my score like a month later, after I had already forgotten about it. I rocked that test. I got myself a 92. Out of 99. And folks, I didn't get time to finish my math section. And there were crazy questions about gears and levers and mechanics and stuff that literally blew my mind. I, like I mention, ROCKED THAT TEST. I only know one person that scored higher than me. Mr. Dailey got a 99. Brilliant! I'm not sure what my daddy got. He probably did better than me too. Dad, if you are reading this out in cyberland, what did you get on your ASVAB or equivalent? I was immediately super excited to get calls from the Army, Marines, Air Force, Coast Guard, ect. But a week went by and nothing. Two weeks, nothing. By now both of my best friends that had done well but not nearly as well as me had be contacted by at least the Army. One guy, Josh, who had originally failed it hard (see above story) but had done better this time (he scored maybe a 73) said that he had been contacted by ALL the branches of the military. Including the Air Force. He was lying of course, because no one with a 73 and his grades gets called by the Air Force. But I still wasn't called. And I had a freakin' 92. I decided that maybe I was lost in the system. Or they were intimidated by my obviously high intelligence. But mainly my ego was hurt. I got the highest score, I should get the prize of strange dudes calling my house several times a day searching for me and my soul!!! But I didn't win.
But then, a whole year later, I get the call. I win! They want me. But I don't want them. I understand now that it probably had to do with my age. If you remember, I'm a young graduate and just recently turned 18. Super!
5 comments:
Who wouldn't like a fabulous, smart, witty, hott gal like you? Answer - nobody!
Actually they have been calling. . .only they have been calling our house, the place you used to live, and your mama has been telling them to get lost. You have also been getting a bunch of mail from the military, most lately, from the coast guard. Want to guard a coast anyone? So they really do want you. I simply assumed that you did not want them.
HAHA the captcha on this comment said "NY BVD." Like New York Underpants.
I pretty much rocked the ASVAB also. I just thought it was hilarious that there were like... uniformed, gun toting army dudes administering the test.
I got a 147 - but that was a long time ago in a land far far away. I think they must have changed their tests and the ranges. It seems that 147 was the top score back then, but that sounds really odd, 150 sounds like a better top score if you could get 147. But this is the Army we're talking about and military intelligence IS a contradiction in terms.
OOPS - after reading it in a different font, I realize I got a 157, not 147, and again that sounds just odd. A 160 top score doesn't really make any sense.
Though what is weirder is why did 147 look right in the Times New Roman font that the post is composed in but not in the Helvetica it's posted in? ( That reminds me - I gotta put that documentary about "Helvetica - the font that conquered the world" in my Netflix queue.)
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